When Is The Limit

After having another rough discussion with my husband on our trust issue...Can we move forward from this? Can I trust him? Is this going anywhere?

This mistrust has caused us to be both unhappy. I don't trust him because of what he has done. He's trying to be someone he's not in hopes to regain my trust. So really...what is the issue at hand.

After some much arguing, I long ago asked for a date night. A date or night where it's just me and him. A time where we can rekindle what we once saw in each other. To remember what we had and that it's worth saving. But since then no date night. He doesn't like the idea of date night. It's not me wanting to go out. It's the bigger picture of reconnecting from my point of view.

At this point, he's bitter at me because he's unhappy of his current situation. A situation I believe he put himself into. But he doesn't see that. He blames me. Which I get angry because it goes back to him and to what he did.

So where can we go from here? After some thinking I believe the bottom line is...

1. I don't believe he's truly sorry for what he did.
2. He doesn't feel bad for hurting me.
3. He doesn't think what he did was wrong.
4. He gives me no reason on why he wouldn't do it again.
5. I don't want to get hurt like that again.
6. He makes me feel like I'm the one who put him in this situation.

I honestly feel that we can't get past this. I don't ever want to feel like this again. And if I do, it better be for a darn good reason. For the well being of my child/children for example. Realistically he's not a good dad. I really hate to say that but who spends 10 mins a day with their kid and call it a day? And this isn't 10 mins straight, it's split into 4 groups of 2-3 minute increments. Waking her up in the day, looking through his blackberry while she runs like an airplane around him, him turning on the TV for her to watch, and maybe if he is home he'll kiss her to sleep. Even kissing her to sleep I have to ask him to do. It's not for me, but for my daughter's sake. I want her to know she is loved. Even if he hates me for asking him to kiss her to bed. I want her to know she is loved by him even though he doesn't make me feel that from him.

So what's my next plan of action...I don't know. Realistically I married a boy who still wants to go out and play cowboys and indians till 6am in the morning. And I grew out of that since I was 12. My daughter is going to grow up learning how a man treats a wife, her mother no less. And no way do I want her to think a guy can treat her like this and it's okay let alone normal.

For my ownself I want to be with someone who loves me. I want to be with someone who I feel that believes in me, sees all the good in me, and only want the best for me. I want to be appreciated. I want to trust him. I want to feel safe in his arms, I want to go to sleep not having to worry about him leaving or slipping out in the middle of the night. I want to go to work and not worry about who/what/where he is going or doing. I want my next husband to be able to work with females and me feeling comfortable with that. I want to feel like I'm his everything. I want to feel like the only person in the world for him.

Either it's all or nothing and it looks like it's going to be nothing.